Sunday, March 16, 2008

10,000 BC Review

Release Date: March 7th, 2008
Studio : Warner Bros.
Cast: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis
Director: Roland Emmerich
Genre: Action-Adventure
MPAA Rating: PG-13

For generations historians have wondered how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids. It has been one of the great mysteries of civilization. Well, director Roland Emmerich solved it for us all. They had mammoths to help them. Mammoths. Kind of like big, furry pack mules. Wait until The History Channel hears about this!!!

The poster for Roland Emmerich’s “10,000 BC” movie was out, and it looks, well, it looks bloody familiar. With emphasis on the word “bloody”, of course, since this version of the poster looks a heck of a lot like one of the posters for Zack Snyder’s “300″. Of course, poster mimicking isn’t a new thing in the world of film, but when a big-budget movie apes another big-budget movie, it’s kind of a novelty.

You expect the cheapo B-movie producers to try to trick the occasional drunk movie renter into believing their cheapie flick sitting on the videostore shelf is that big movie currently showing in theaters, but the big studios? Don’t they have PR budgets for new, original posters?

Here’s the “10,000″ BC poster side by side with the “300″ one it’s mimicking.

Also, to remember that the cheap, ineffective graphics are never the original imposing effects. 300 had it whilst this movie tries to run out with the idea but then as a viewer of this movie one cannot but help compare everything, every action with the older movies - 300 or Apocalypto. The first Mammoth hunt down had such a lousy special effects that in one scene the Mammoth actually runs over the leg of Steven Strait. Then he brings the Mammoth down with a dagger straight in the throat of it. Just one is sufficient to bring the Mammoth down like pack of cards. I believed the stunt hoping the going would get better. Nope, I was just sitting on a pile of shit the director was throwing at me !

I was so pissed at all this that I am not going to say much about the movie but it was a shame that the hero was made to lose like 30 pounds for the movie and the lady bird Carmella is a sure eye catcher and one sure wonders what a good looking, unblemished skinned lady was doing in the group of wild, broken skinned, dark ladies. I guess the pelican dropped her there ! How else would one explain a white, fair skinned (read ONLY), lady in a pack of all dark complexioned women and men. Beats me. If this was appalling, Steven is the only pale brown skinned, all the talent in my arms kind of a guy. They look so out of the group that whereever they went or where you came from to join the middle of the movie, you could guess right as to who the hero or heroine could be. It was so boring the plot. They had ripped the plot from Apocalypto and copied the stunts and the back drop voice over and amazing sceneries. That was all this movie was about. Apparently, the lift off was a give away in some places when the voice over would be mumbling something because of the enormity of the base voice that as a viewer you would let go of what was being said.

If this was not all about it. The Master in Egypt pretty much is a huge, ugly with long hands. Does that ring a bell? Yup, the Persian lord from "300". They ripped that part too. I wonder what the director was thinking by doing some shit like this. I just could not stop laughing at the comparison when the emperor comes to the huge pyramids site. The entire workers go down - the Kaw Taw style. Rewind, when the persian lord, comes no one dares to stand and look at him !

Oh! I would be sinned if I did not say this. The movie actually has a Bollywood end.The heroine is stuck on the back by an arrow. Was a good aim. No way it would have by passed her. Yet the heroine comes back to life. OH yea. That is what I am talking about !! There was a kid sitting right next to me. She was so bored after a while that she started playing with the corn she had bought to eat then eventually fell asleep !

If someone still wants to persist and watch this movie, I would give it a very average rating.Go enjoy the movie for the graphics and reminisce "300" ,"Apocalypto" movies blended together.

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