Saturday, January 06, 2007

To be or not to be..

Happy new year. That time of the year when you think everything you want, everything that you hope come true. Hmm... Not a bad idea, to say, expect something. But is it really a good idea to expect something and especially when you so close that you can almost feel it and yet not get it? Who to blame - ourself or someone else.

That is exactly how I feel today. Was give false hopes (and if that was not enough) mix it with tall expectation and when you don't get it who do we blame? Is it us - for being gullible or others for being rude to use us for some momentary sadistic pleasure. I am not going to go into specific details so that this blog becomes a good entertainer and a good read with hot coffee and pop's go abide it. It is just my random thought as a result of few small, not small on hindsight, things that happened around me. The corporation laid a boogie trap and I went straight for it thinking it was bluff. Hitherto! this was no cry wolf kind of a plot. It was pretty straight forward and I am to blame myself for being the victim of desire. The ambition of going up the corporate ladder turned sour today when the performance review discussion news came out. And I was like a lost child in a fair, who looks around not once , not twice , not thrice but umpteen number of times in a faint hope that someone known to him would recognize him. That was my feeling deep down as I ran through the "Click Next " for hope links back to back. And the conglomeration of all this feeling did not go well in my system. I looked around to see my manager worried that none made it from his group but who do I blame for not doing their job. Everyone around said I was a pillar of strength and amazing guy doing great business but when it mattered it seemed like the world was silently disproving and desuading the person who matters to pass a decision in my favor. To be nonchalant or wreck things around by strewing the emotions is a question hour that I am going through with myself. People who have worked in an environment where you work with 36K people know how I feel. The feeling of let down in the ocean may not be a big thing because what am I - after all another person in a mightly big ocean and no one up there is going to stop and make me feel good because it is all about you knowing what to do and how to handle yourself in adversity. "To be or not to be" worried is more or less is the feeling that I am in. I don't how I am to react to a situation but this is one valuable lesson that life gives as a take away. And I am glad I learn something out of it. At the end of the day I sure have learnt one thing it is about what you want. All these petty theatrics should not really bog you down so much that we start looking for someone to shoulder us for any problem.

At the end, boon or bane is the nomenclature that is best defined by none other than us. With that confused feeling I sign off.