Being Gay ..

How many people we know around us actually can say with pride that they are in a relationship with a person of same sex? Why is it considered as a wrong doing? After all what is a relationship? and why is it that people bring beurocracy to personal life? These are some questions I always had -although thinking like this does not make me bi-sexual or homosexual. If not, why I think like this? Well, it is just a thought that I had when I see people go to any length to say "Oh well he is just a close friend who means a lot to me and my future" but don't term us "gay".

Why is this term a taboo in the societies and the human echleon thus far. We say a particular region or a country as developed based on several factors yet even in the so called top draw countries the feeling is so suppressed. And I wonder why everyone wants to be a stranger to the feeling. After all for every relationship - man vs woman, to survive there are several factors and if those factors can well be accomodated within people of same sex and if the lifestyle suits and compliments the survival as one unit, why is it that people are so offended?

I, for real, was sorta glad that Elton john went with his feelings and mind you, he was one of the most celebrated person for time immemorial.Although, few countries a.k.a conservative rulers in power, feel grieved and aggravated and that they annuled the 'marriage' between them. But, seriously, you think they cared much?

I think at the end of it. It is about one life and as long as one's actions don't threaten the country of it's land or life forms, I think one should go forward doing what they think is right don't matter how it is reviewed by the governing body. After all the law and the rules are going to be malleable entity. After all it is a human feeling more than the law in true sense.

In that side note, I would like to reiterate the crux of this open thought is not that I have a feeling for a person of same sex but it is about doing what we think is right than be "gay". Again, it is upto a person to be "gay" and yet be silent thinking what others think or be "gay" to accept the other person and live a life happily ever after. After all we define the nomenclature "feeling happy(gay)".

When you like someone, why do you feel different?

Quite strange that feeling is'nt it. It could be right from one of those 'biological reflex' looks ,which we save for an opposite sex or same sex(which I am not going to go in detail coz I don't know what that feeling is), to liking a person deeply. Our body suddenly starts to think and do things so different. Adernaline pumps in and makes your mind think 1001 different things. To make matters worse, if you end up talking to that person, you suddenly feel lighter and feel like flying high above the air. No one is a stranger to that feeling till date.

I have wondered what makes and gives life that rounded and defined feeling when you meet such people. That momentary feeling of accomplishing something high.That feeling of being complete.... that feeling.

Some one sang:

" Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you "

To be or not to be..

Happy new year. That time of the year when you think everything you want, everything that you hope come true. Hmm... Not a bad idea, to say, expect something. But is it really a good idea to expect something and especially when you so close that you can almost feel it and yet not get it? Who to blame - ourself or someone else.

That is exactly how I feel today. Was give false hopes (and if that was not enough) mix it with tall expectation and when you don't get it who do we blame? Is it us - for being gullible or others for being rude to use us for some momentary sadistic pleasure. I am not going to go into specific details so that this blog becomes a good entertainer and a good read with hot coffee and pop's go abide it. It is just my random thought as a result of few small, not small on hindsight, things that happened around me. The corporation laid a boogie trap and I went straight for it thinking it was bluff. Hitherto! this was no cry wolf kind of a plot. It was pretty straight forward and I am to blame myself for being the victim of desire. The ambition of going up the corporate ladder turned sour today when the performance review discussion news came out. And I was like a lost child in a fair, who looks around not once , not twice , not thrice but umpteen number of times in a faint hope that someone known to him would recognize him. That was my feeling deep down as I ran through the "Click Next " for hope links back to back. And the conglomeration of all this feeling did not go well in my system. I looked around to see my manager worried that none made it from his group but who do I blame for not doing their job. Everyone around said I was a pillar of strength and amazing guy doing great business but when it mattered it seemed like the world was silently disproving and desuading the person who matters to pass a decision in my favor. To be nonchalant or wreck things around by strewing the emotions is a question hour that I am going through with myself. People who have worked in an environment where you work with 36K people know how I feel. The feeling of let down in the ocean may not be a big thing because what am I - after all another person in a mightly big ocean and no one up there is going to stop and make me feel good because it is all about you knowing what to do and how to handle yourself in adversity. "To be or not to be" worried is more or less is the feeling that I am in. I don't how I am to react to a situation but this is one valuable lesson that life gives as a take away. And I am glad I learn something out of it. At the end of the day I sure have learnt one thing it is about what you want. All these petty theatrics should not really bog you down so much that we start looking for someone to shoulder us for any problem.

At the end, boon or bane is the nomenclature that is best defined by none other than us. With that confused feeling I sign off.